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                                       politics + culture

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

the Mega-Mod

"General Motors is pinning its turnaround on a series of new full-sized SUVs -- the very models whose sales have fallen as gas prices have climbed. GM previewed the redesigned Chevrolet Tahoe and several other 2007 models last week."

-from the WSJ, via billmon

In other news, the Democratic Party is rolling out its "make or break" 2007 models just in time for mid-term Congressional elections. Having seen the party's market share shrink for two decades in the face of tough competition, the DNC is rolling out a revamp of its standby minivan meant to appeal to America's increasingly Exurban middle: the Mega-Mod is an eight-door minivan, with passenger air-bags, AM/FM radio, and radical new features like a sun roof and "sport" package option to appeal to NASCAR dads.

Party CEO H. Dean claims the Mega-Mod's ad slogan: "it's just like you...you just didn't know that yet" will win over buyers who haven't yet caught on to the Democrat's middle-of-the road appeal. Dual sliding side doors will allow passengers to exit any way they choose.

Model colors are: Beige, White, Mauve, Gray, Taupe, Tan and Cream. The sport package adds the option of: Eggplant, Mustard and Salsa Red and an optional "racing stripe."

Critics report that a lack of "pep" in freeway driving may hamper the Mega-Mod in its quest for suburban market share. The absence of a true passing gear is also said to impair vehicle performance on rural two-lane highways. "More of the same" is the consensus industry review. Prominent party insiders are more sanguine, and report that most consumers just won't want to buy cars from 'the other guys' and will flock to the Mega-Mod after a series of mechanical troubles in the main competition's vehicles. Competitors, however, point out that the DNC sales force do not themselves drive Mega-Mods.

One in-the-know party observer noted the addition of military chevrons in the model's interior design will provide some much needed spark to this line and give some 'cross-over appeal.' It is said that one mid-year design change may even put a large chrome hawk on the hood. Rumors swirl in D.C. that a name change could be in the works as well: The Mega-Mod Hawk. Watch this space closely for updates



  • Nice. very nice.

    After thinking for a few minutes, all I have to add: and let's not forget that Robert S. McNamara, before entering "democratic politics" really was the president of Ford Motors, where, if I remember correctly, he brought his famous scientific methods to their marketing and making of cars.

    By Blogger awol, at 3:38 AM  

  • LOL!

    That's the most accurate description of the problem, ever.

    It's time to build the hybrid that will saturate the market as the cost of the status quo begins to exceed what the average family can handle.

    "More of the same" just won't cut it. "More of the same" lends just enough credibility to the "there's no real difference between the parties" concept to splinter a natural coalition into separate factions.

    On the real life bread and butter issues: jobs/income (NAFTA, CAFTA, de-unionization), health (fewer insured by the day), security (breeding terrorists by dragging out an unjust immoral war, bankruptcy bill), education (no child left educated), womens' rights to life and health (Roberts nomination), there is no consistent *practical* opposition from the democrats. There are just enough "Vichy" votes to make it impossible to say "Democrats believe in X."

    The Democrats need to stand together on the principles that make life better for average Americans. Anything less is the path to ruin. Appeasement must end, principle must take root.

    - mataliandy

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:59 AM  

  • lol, kid.

    you got satire in your bag as well.

    By Blogger NYBri, at 3:35 PM  

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